Day 10: Someone I need to let go, or wish I didn't know.
UPDATED: The balance on the debt has been squared and this person hopefully will refrain from attempting to contact me or further attempts to smear my character.
I'm pretty good at cutting toxic people out of my life, so that excludes the first part of this topic. Anyone I need to let go has already been excised from my life. So that leaves someone I wish I didn't know. And I know just who that is.
I went on a mini-rant earlier today on Facebook. Here's the text, copied and pasted:
"You judgmental chickenshit little jerk. Next time you want to run your mouth around town about me about shit that isn't true just to make yourself look better, to one of MY friends, have the huevos to speak it to my face when I see you in town and not pretend like you're all engrossed in your phone call. Kiss my ass...oh wait, it's been so long for you you probably wouldn't have the vaguest idea of how to pucker. Here's a protip - purse your lips like you're sucking the life out of another "friendship" like the one you pretended we had while you ripped me off. And don't think for one second that I'm gonna let your comment about one of my brothers slide. That shit still pisses me off. Get off your ass and make things right, you whiny lying little bitch."
Here's the filled-in details. I've blogged before about this guy. Since then, it's come to my attention from a few unnamed sources that he's been saying that he loaned me all that change, not that it's payment on a two year old debt. Seriously? So insecure that he couldn't admit that he not only owed me money, but paid in pennies? And to run around telling that to people I'm friends with too? Honestly, I'd be laughing if I wasn't so irritated. Give it a year, and I will be.
Anyway, that back history in mind, I head up to the grocery store today, fairly neutral mood, you know, keeping my mind off the fact that it's Sunday and Sundays will always suck for me, just looking to get stuff to make tacos for dinner and check the price on cut flowers for my next visit to the cemetery. I went by the gas station afterward for smokes and was talking to my favorite cashier there, Devin. We were talking tattoos, I was talking Nigel up, had my phone out to show him some examples of Ni's work, when douchebag walks in. We locked eyes. He rushed out real quick after he paid. It got me pissed off all over again.
I wish I'd never met him. I don't see where his presence has added anything to my life, save reinforcing my already virulent loathing of hypocrites and people who claim to be Christian while spouting hate rhetoric and lying. And honestly, that didn't need reinforcing. Had it not been for him, I wouldn't be sitting here steaming about how he still owes me well over $100, how I was dumb enough to let myself get suckered into believing his hyperbole, spend Jeremy's entire vacation working for what looks like for free now, etc. I wouldn't have to realize the fact that there is one hypocritical lying sack of shit in my acquaintance who will gladly tell people all about how his god sends gays to hell. His life tends to balance more towards "fail" than "win." And I really think karma's starting to do its thing - his store's out of business, he's working at the dollar store now, and he couldn't even stand and try to explain why he's spouting lies to my friends when I saw him today. What's the matter, dude? Scared of a little five foot tall girl? Or scared of what I'll say? Do you have any idea how close I was to making you look like an ass at the gas station? The only thing that stopped my mouth before it could blurt out everything I've posted about you is that I'm an adult now, and I'd hate for poor Devin to feel massively uncomfortable because that girl who's always in there buying Camel Menthols just went off on another customer like a crazy person.
I hope your car breaks down. I hope you get evicted. I hope when you die you get a great lecture from whatever entity is waiting for you, one that's all about how your place in hell or heaven or wherever is determined by your character and not by whom you've been fucking.
Every asshole I've ever met and had in my life has taught me something. I try to take the bad shit and make a lesson out of it, let it somehow shape my character in a good way. But you? You're a void. There's nothing minutely redeeming about you. You've done nothing to make me a better person. Every time I remember your offhanded comment about how my brother was going to hell for being gay, I see red, I wish you emotional suffering ten times worse than what my family and Scotty's friends have gone through since we lost him. I'd punch you in the face if you weren't smaller than me - it just doesn't seem fair to hit someone who's shorter than I am. I fucking hate moral high horses, but in this case I think mine's legs are a little longer than yours.
And like I said earlier, kiss my ass.
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