Dear Scotty

Dear Scotty,

Today I posted the following as my Facebook status: "We lost a beautiful person yesterday, my brother Scott Dixon. In his honor, I would ask that you all do something to make the world more beautiful, the way he did everyday. Try to see something good in someone you can't stand. Refrain from using the words "gay, fag, homo," etc as derogatory terms or hate speech. Hug your dear ones, and tell them you love them. He would want that."

I've been trying to think of tributes to you. It still doesn't seem real to me on one level. On another level, it's too real. I know that you would want me to be happy and strong, and I swear I will try. It just isn't fair. I should have gotten to talk to you, to give you one more hug. I can still feel the way you always kept one arm around my shoulder and petted my head with your free hand every time I saw you.

I have shared so many of my favorite memories of you with Jeni, with Sierra, with Jeremy, with everyone I'm friends with on Facebook. It's a bittersweet thing, this sharing.

In your honor, I am making the following vows:

I will tell my loved ones that I love them more often.
I will do something every day to brighten this world you had to leave behind so soon.
I will tell my boys often about their uncle Scotty-love, why I always called you that, and how wonderful you were.
I'll do my best to start dressing more like a girl, since you always yelled at me about that.
I'll plant flowers for you, take more walks at dark, and every time I sing, whether a lullaby to Matthew and Jonah, or in the shower, or in the car, I'll think of you.
For very tear I shed when your face pops up in my mind, I'll try for a smile to match it.

I love you, kiddo, and I miss you so much.

Love,
Megan